Swallow it Whole
by lightsoul
Summary: Her name is Linda…and I should hate her. I should loath her for stealing Wally away from me; for capturing his attention, for drawing those glorious emerald eyes from me to her. I should despise her…I should want her to take her hands off my red head...But I can't. BIRDFLASH oneshot!


Her name is Linda…and I should hate her. I should loath her for stealing Wally away from me; for capturing his attention, for drawing those glorious emerald eyes from me to her. I should despise her…I should want her to take her hands off my red head...

But I can't.

Wally and I were drifting apart long before she came into the picture. We were together for four years, four of the greatest and worst years of my life where I was completely and utterly entwined in the speedsters life and he. It started off great, perfect even and it didn't seem like anything could go wrong—a match made in heaven and all that. But eventually, when we both got older, we started bringing out the worst in each other.

I would get jealous, I will admit, I was a bit unreasonable sometimes when Wally was around other people and I would get angry for no reason. He, on the other hand would get possessive and overly protective of me on missions, when I was Robin. He would treat me like I was porcelain, like I would break. It caused me to take unnecessary risks to prove he was wrong and it only made it worst. This horrible concoction of distrust in each other caused a rift between us for this…toxic relationship to brew.

I would push him away; he would try to keep me close. When our relationship was at its worst, after Jason died and I was lashing out in anger at the people closest to me at the loss of my brother…he had an affair.

He went to get away from me and my anger, to a bar, and got shit faced drunk as he put it. He met a girl there—no, not Linda. One thing led to another and they spent the night together. He told me about it the next day and I was livid. I was beyond rage and I couldn't take it. I wasn't even mad at him, well that's not completely true—I was _just_ mad at him. I was angry with myself because _I_ drove him to it. I drove him away, I had no love to offer to him any longer and he went to seek it from someone else…someone who wasn't me.

I knew then…that this was over—what was between me and Wally…it didn't exist anymore and we we're only hurting each other. Of course he apologized profusely and he begged me to stay but I couldn't…for both our sakes I stood firm and I left. He was destroyed, as Roy put it. He wouldn't leave Berry's house, he wouldn't run…he was forced to eat and I felt terrible but in the back of my head I kept saying he will move on _I_ will move on and there will come a day when we can both be in the same room without one of us breaking down.

I was right, thought I didn't expect it to take nearly two years. Wally was out dating again, one fling to another. I devoted my time to work and occasionally…I would have one night stands. Zatanna, Kori, Barbara…there were others but those relationships were doomed from the start and I knew it.

One day, out of the blue, Wally came to find me in Bl_ü_dhaven. I was surprised when I had opened my apartment door to find Wally standing there, awkwardly kicking an invisible rock around and afraid to look me in the eye. He said he wanted to talk, to put things behind us and be friends again. I smiled and accepted…I didn't know however that he was with someone new…and that it was getting serious. He told me eventually and I said I was happy for him—and I truly was. I was happy that he found someone that could make him smile like I used to.

I kept it professional of course, our friendship. I kept my distance and there was no touching, no matter how badly I wanted to run my fingers through his hair which was getting darker over the years, and to trace those freckles on his cheeks that had started to fade as he was becoming an adult. I sat and watched from a careful distance as he fell more and more in love with Linda. And I was filled with a bitter sweet happiness that filled my chest and threatened to choke me form the inside. But, like Bruce taught me "Take what life gives you and swallow it whole."

But I'm not Bruce, and eventually I would swallow more than I could handle, someday I would vomit back up all of life's ilk and be forced to stare down at all of my failures and all of my short comings.

Of this I was sure, it would, one day, happen to me. I just never expected it to come this soon, or hit me this hard.

Over the years me and Wally eventually got back to being best friends and he would come over every now and then so I could help him with his university home work. I gladly helped.

I'm not going to go over every boring detail of the times where Wally and I recollected what we had, but I'll tell you the moment when it all shattered again.

_**BIRDFLASH**_

Wally lay on the bed, on his stomach with a rather large text book written in what looked like fine print in from of him. Beside him, Dick lay with a smaller book in hand; not for study, but for leisure. They lay side by side in Dicks queen sized bed.

The red head groaned and slammed his face into the pages of his text book. The ebony boy beside him gave pause, looked over for a brief second, before returning to his book and flipping a page. An emerald eye peeked over to his silent companion and Wally "_harrumphed_" and the lack of empathy his best friend was displaying. He slammed the book closed and turned onto his side and eyed Dick until he said—

"Something wrong Walls?" Dick asked, not taking his eyes off the page.

"You know Rob—" Wally still insisted on calling him Robin even though he had shed that tunic for Nightwing. "We don't _have_ to study every time I come over."

"This was your idea though." Dick said, his eyes scanning the words of the book, but being perfectly honest he hadn't been reading it for the past five minutes when Wally started fidgeting while reading his text book.

"Dude, I'm gonna overload." He said dryly. Dick Sighed through his nose before he placed a book mark—where he had originally stopped reading—and closed the book, turning on his own side to look at Wally in the eye.

"What do you want to do?" The former Robin asked simply and for a simple question it seemed to throw the speedster off for a second. But Dick knew a second to him was at least a minute of two to a speedster.

"I uh—I don't know. Video games?" Something they used to do a lot, Dick notes.

"I've been…really busy lately. I don't think I've gotten a new game in a few years…" Wally rests his head on Dick's pillow and breathes deeply.

"Yeah…same here." Blue eyes follow the redheads every move, like he was trained to do, and took note of important things. How Wally fiddled with the loose threads of his comforter, how he slightly rubbed his cheek on Dick's pillow and how they were in such close proximity even though Wally had plenty of room. "We can hit an arcade?" Wally says hopefully, face brightening with hope.

"Walls…I don't think that—."

"Or we can watch a bunch of movies on Netflix!" Wally propped himself up to eye level with his companion. His green eyes searched the expressionless face, looking for something—_anything!_ And Dick, for once, didn't know what Wally wanted, what the redhead wanted to do.

"Walls—"

"_God_, Dick…what am I doing?" He asked pathetically.

He was at a loss for words; he didn't know how to answer Wally. All he would do was look at him, at his darkening red hair, at his fading freckles, at those glorious emerald eyes that used to look at him with such love.

He wasn't sure who had made the first move, all he knew was that their lips were connected. Wally's hands roaming his body, soliciting groans, moans and whimpers from the ebony haired young man. Meanwhile Dick's hand was fisted on Wally's hair, his over scouring over the skin under the redheads shirt. Wally broke the kiss and moved atop Dick, in between his thighs and continued to roam the smaller male's body after beginning the kiss again, _deepening_ the kiss. Letting his tongue rediscover it's old home, it's once favorite place.

Dick, as he often did, took what life threw at him and swallowed it whole. He greedily sucked at Wally's tongue, he whimpered beneath the redhead and wrapped his legs around the others slim waist and Wally _ground_ into him deliciously.

In a flurry of raw emotion and reawakened fire Wally removed Dicks shirt and was in the motion of unbuckling that infernal belt when his phone started ringing. It seemed to snap him from his daze, his lust addled mind became clear and he looked down at Dick, who was watching him as if to see what _he_ should do next. Wally retrieved his phone from his pocket and felt his heart stop for a moment.

It was Linda.

"Hey babe…" Wally answered the phone. Dick's cheeks burned, he wasn't sure if it was in modification or anger and again he wasn't sure if either were for him or for Wally. "N-no, I'm okay. Yeah I'm at Dicks…I'll be home soon…yeah."

Dick tried his best to not look at the red head that was still between his legs. He decided to put his shirt back on and zip his pants back up.

"Y-yeah. I know. Okay…Okay." Dick sat up, moving away from Wally to rest against the headboard of his bed. "I…Love you to babe." The both flinched. "Bye." Wally ended the call and sat back against the Wall.

They remained silent for a full five minutes before Wally spoke. "I asked her to marry me last night. She said yes."

Oh.

"Um…congratulations…" Dick said awkwardly, not feeling more terrible than ever about what just transpired.

"Dick…I don't know if I can do this…I still care about you…I think I still love you." He said, it sounded like he was pleading. His eyes kept searching Dick's face-for an answer, for something to help him…but Dick looked just as lost as he did.

They sat like that for a while. The air becoming thick with unaddressed emotions—it was becoming stifling and Dick felt paralyzed. Wally whimpered with unshed tears but he fought them back. Eventually he got up and left Dick…left him to his thoughts that he refused to share with the redhead.

Dick sat there for a while longer, staring at his lap. He let out a shaky breath.

He couldn't take this. Life had thrown something that he could now—would not silently take.

He still loved Wally, and now he knew that Wally still loved him. But this wasn't supposed to happen. They we're supposed to move on. _He _was supposed to move on, away from Dick and find something he could no longer give Wally.

_**BIRDFLASH**_

It was _then_ I knew what I had to do to ensure that Wally would leave a happy life—even if that meant without me. I supported him, through his engagement, through his wedding and I would continue to help him through his run as The Flash and eventually fatherhood. I wouldn't bite back the tears, I would smile for him even though in the back of my head, the bottom of my heart I wanted to do nothing more they embrace him and feel the contours of that slim runners body or have those emerald eyes all to myself.

I would be his friend, his _best_ friend and his _best_ man and his children's god father.

He would take whatever life threw at him and swallow it whole—not for himself and his pride, but for _him_, for Wally he would, he _could_.

And he would smile graciously.

And he wouldn't crumble when Wally smiled back.

_Okay! So I just had to get this story idea down and out of my head so it would quit bugging me! The whole thing is unbetad so I'm sorry for any mistakes that are found This is a one-shot and I'm not sure if I'll make a follow up one-shot or not._

_If you're a fan of my other YJ Fics "Smitten" or "Tables Turned", I will be returning to writing them very soon. I just need to get my laptop up and running so I don't have to be at home to write. I'm at school most of the time and I would write on my downtime…but no laptop :/_

_Well, please review and tell me how I did for my first ever one-shot will you?!_


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